Dear S.

Dear S.,
    Oh my where do I start! I have so much I wanna say to you but I think I should start with Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend when I needed it the most, thank you for staying up till 4 a.m. to make sure I am ok after I have spent hours crying, for giving me great advice, for always being there when I needed you, thank you for comforting me, thank you for always making me feel like everything I tell you is confidential, for never telling anyone anything I say, Thank you! You are the only person I can tell anything too and know you won't go balistic on me.
I was really looking forward to visiting the family in the summer, and knew it would be a summer to remember. Oh boy! Was it a summer to remember....I will never forget the feeling I had landing in the airport and knowing I will be home soon. Home...I don't think I know where my home is there anymore after that summer...I lost the home I loved the most and cherished so deeply. I gotta say you shocked me! Oh man did you shock me..I didn't see it coming, AT ALL! I think back now and realize I was stupid, really stupid or was I naive? Naive enough to think that people just said what they wanted to say and didn't hold back or throw hints. Hints, I didn't get them..I'm sorry, I didn't.
I should have seen them and I know that now after you aksed me how did I not see it coming. I swear you blew me away, when you talked to me I felt sick..I just ate and I was so nervous and shocked I felt so bizarre. You say it all straight forward, thank you for that too! The reaction of others, they didn't get it, did they? I don't think I even did. Oh God the reactions, that was bad. Maybe thats why the summer is so unforgettable, a lot of good times with so many bad.
 I don't think I wanted to say yes, no I didn't. I fell under your pressure, I asked for a week and you wanted to know in three days. Three days?!? I don't regret it, for I know Allah knew I didn't like it. I tried to convince myself but it wasn't right.
I remember leaving and feeling so sad, cause I thought I knew what will happen after that but I didn't. I remember talking to you after I came back but that didn't last. I just have one regret and one wish out of all this. I regret not reading your last letter to me, and I wish I could read it now. It wouldn't do me any good, that I know, but It'll give me comfort. I was shocked when I found out your good news, saddened that it was not from you but I know it isn't your fault, you couldn't and I understand.
I sat down and thought threw my emotions, why? Why am I sad? Why am I hurt? Why am I angry? Don't worry I'll tell you..
I'm sad because I lost the best friend I ever had and possibly ever will have. I am hurt because of the ignorant people that don't know and label me as something I'm not. I am angry about our first connection since your union. How could you be so cold? I never knew you like that, why did you change? You made jokes I didn't get, you didn't even ask how I was doing. Really?Why?
But I still thank you. Thank you for helping me move on, because now I can let you go. I don't feel angry or hurt anymore but I know I will always be sad for my great loss of you.
I see mini you and I smile, I know you have much joy. I hope your happy, I really do. I will never forget you even though I probably should. How can I? It's you! I know we will meet someday but it will never be the same. No it can't be the same but that's ok because I know Allah wants it that way, remember what you always talked about? Naseeb, that makes me laugh a bit now seeing how all this worked out. I remember being quite while you talk, you gave me courage, strength and great advice. I have to accept it all, I don't have a choice. But I still thank you for your time, for the years from your life that you shared with me. I will never forget you nor do I want too, you are the best summer I ever had.

Letters I will never send

Asalamu Alaikum Everyone,
So I have a new idea I would like to add on my blog....Ready for it???
I want to add a new catagory called: Letters I will never send. I was planning on calling it confessions but since we don't do confessions in Islam, I decided for it to be letters I would love to send to the people but know its better not being said. I want to get things off my chest and think this would be a good way to start...That being said, I might need to write more than one letter to a person haha.

In the moment of change

When you're in the middle of a tough situation, you don't see the meaning of it. You loose the ability to see the bigger picture, the meaning of it all. I used to be that way; I used to get so mad and worry about what is going to come out of this and what will happen to me? Well, Alhamdulillah this time I have a different perspective, I put my complete trust in Allah and have learn from my past difficulties. I no longer worry about the what and if's of things, Allah has never let me down or left me alone in the past, so what would possibly make me think He would do that now?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
~Soren Kierkegaard

As soon as I read this quote a while back I knew what it meant. I have always liked to reflect on my life and the decisions I made so far to see what I could learn from them. If you don't reflect on your past you never learn and therefore, you can't move forward. Insha'allah this situation I'm in will end well, but from where I'm standing....I'm waiting to learn my lesson, and Alhamdullilah for that.

You will never be alone because you will ALWAYS have Allah.

A Deep Cry

Have you ever been so hurt? Lost? Confused?In so much pain that when you cry, you feel your whole body ache and actually feel that first tear develop before it comes out of your eye and down your cheek? Well, I have. I don't think I have ever been so aware of why we cry; our body is aching. You just experienced a betrayal and you know it, better yet your body knows it too.
SubhanAllah that shows you how connected your body and soul are.
That my friends is the reason why I haven't posted anything, the unexpected happened to me.
I gotta say it's really tough but I don't know what to tell you, Life is TOUGH!
It's so hard when someone builds you up based on a fantasy ( no not a guy) and then knocks you down to reality.
Insha'Allah I will feel better soon, but till then....I ache.

I now know what I wanna do on this blog!

    Salam Everyone!
Sorry I know I said in my last post that I had some great postings and that I was post soon but my laptop broke a day before school, go figure! Insha'allah I will try to post something today. I have been doing a lot of thinking to exactly what I want to post on this blog and I know now! I want to post things that matter to me right now so when I look back years from now I can see where I was and what really mattered to me. I have been going through a lot lately but Alhamdulillah I am getting through. I am so happy to see the viewers from Russia, Germany, Japan, and so many other places! That is so cool and I hope you will enjoy my posts coming up!
         Jazakum Allah Khair,
                                Curious one.

Writing mode

Salams everyone! Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while but insha'allah I will be soon. A lot has happened and I have so many things I want to share.. Subscribe to get updates when I have a new post! Alright I gotta catch some sleep now :-)

Settlin'

   When you reach that age of maturity, guys start coming to your Dad cause their interested in marrying you. When I was a little girl, my dad told me your never gonna get married. So I told all the old ladies that said they wanted me for their son that I'm not getting married. Once I turned 16, my sister was 18 years old, so guys were interested in her. I was completely shocked! My dad was telling me for all those years that we're not gonna get married and here he is telling my sister about guys. You might think it's stupid for me to believe my dad when he told me that but I did, you don't question your father, right?


    Now that I am old enough, my dad is always telling me about proposals. He hasn't told me about someone that I would be interested in. My friends are all telling me not to be so picky and reject every guy. But is it better I marry someone just to please the people around me? or because I need to stop being choosy?
I am not the type of girl that does what people tell me to do, or need the opinion of others to make a decision. I mean, really! Why do girls have to settle for less?
  
   Oh and the best part is they scare you with stories of girls that never got married because of this. They don't ever mention the beautiful stories of girls that waited for the right guy that meets their standards and are happy now.
  
  I guess I'm just frustrated with hearing that guys are never too old to get married but girls basically have an expiration date.
For me I rather not get married than marry someone just out of fear of never finding someone that is truly right for me.


   Only Allah knows what the future holds, and Insha'allah I'll marry the right guy for me.