A motherly moment

Asalamu Alaikum my lovely readers!
Yesterday was a great example of a roller coaster day. I woke up early which is 8:30 a.m. for me and decided to deep clean the house. So I ate my breakfast, drank my morning tea and thought I was ready to get going. As I began cleaning, thirty minutes later I was tired and had a headache, wierd huh? So I decided to lay down and hope I will feel better so I could get back to all the work I need to get done. I decided to take a break when the nap didn't work and go to the movies with my sister to see "The Vow". I LOVED IT! I think it isone of my favorite movies but I'll need to write a whole other post on that. I felt really good after that but still didn't feel upbeat enough. I had a chiropractor appointment and apparently some of the fatigue is from the herbs I'm taking so I felt a bit of relief to hear that I wasn't completely being lazy.I'm going to fastforward my day to 7:20 p.m. when my mom and brother came home from going to the movies, and my brother was hungry so my mom decided to treat us and dine out. We went to this old diner and I wasn't that hungry so I got a junior burger and my brother did the same, we decided to share a half and half of curly fries/onion rings. It was a very fun and peacful dinner. On our way home my brother was asking my mom to turn the radio on really loud like she did the other day, I was shocked! My mom turning up the radio loud? wow. She said:" The other day I really liked the song on the radio so I turned it up so loud ( with her windows closed) and my side view mirrors were vibrating! hahaha". She was so happy about that. When a song she liked came on she did it again and I happen to like the song too.

We were all just singing along and having a great time together and I remember thinking to myself this is "a moment" and I don't want it to end, I was wishing we could drive forever so it didn't have to end but of course with the price of gas being so high every ride needs to end. We sat in the car in our driveway and talked, just me and my mom alone and having a perfect one-on-one together. I love my mom dearly and admire her for everything she has been through and for being so brave to continue with high spirits. Masha'allah I have been blessed to have my mother and the fact that she is so amazing is just even more amazing. So my day ended with advice from my mother and SubhanAllah it started with me struggling to get by and ended with me being happy and inspired. May Allah give me the honor of having my mom around for as long as possible and have many more beautiful moments together. I know you hear people say this all the time but DON'T take your mom for granted! No matter what, you might not see it now but look back and you'll see how Allah has blessed you with your mother to take care of you and make sure you don't fall.

Yours Truly,
  Curious Muslimah <3

Dear S.

Dear S.,
    Oh my where do I start! I have so much I wanna say to you but I think I should start with Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend when I needed it the most, thank you for staying up till 4 a.m. to make sure I am ok after I have spent hours crying, for giving me great advice, for always being there when I needed you, thank you for comforting me, thank you for always making me feel like everything I tell you is confidential, for never telling anyone anything I say, Thank you! You are the only person I can tell anything too and know you won't go balistic on me.
I was really looking forward to visiting the family in the summer, and knew it would be a summer to remember. Oh boy! Was it a summer to remember....I will never forget the feeling I had landing in the airport and knowing I will be home soon. Home...I don't think I know where my home is there anymore after that summer...I lost the home I loved the most and cherished so deeply. I gotta say you shocked me! Oh man did you shock me..I didn't see it coming, AT ALL! I think back now and realize I was stupid, really stupid or was I naive? Naive enough to think that people just said what they wanted to say and didn't hold back or throw hints. Hints, I didn't get them..I'm sorry, I didn't.
I should have seen them and I know that now after you aksed me how did I not see it coming. I swear you blew me away, when you talked to me I felt sick..I just ate and I was so nervous and shocked I felt so bizarre. You say it all straight forward, thank you for that too! The reaction of others, they didn't get it, did they? I don't think I even did. Oh God the reactions, that was bad. Maybe thats why the summer is so unforgettable, a lot of good times with so many bad.
 I don't think I wanted to say yes, no I didn't. I fell under your pressure, I asked for a week and you wanted to know in three days. Three days?!? I don't regret it, for I know Allah knew I didn't like it. I tried to convince myself but it wasn't right.
I remember leaving and feeling so sad, cause I thought I knew what will happen after that but I didn't. I remember talking to you after I came back but that didn't last. I just have one regret and one wish out of all this. I regret not reading your last letter to me, and I wish I could read it now. It wouldn't do me any good, that I know, but It'll give me comfort. I was shocked when I found out your good news, saddened that it was not from you but I know it isn't your fault, you couldn't and I understand.
I sat down and thought threw my emotions, why? Why am I sad? Why am I hurt? Why am I angry? Don't worry I'll tell you..
I'm sad because I lost the best friend I ever had and possibly ever will have. I am hurt because of the ignorant people that don't know and label me as something I'm not. I am angry about our first connection since your union. How could you be so cold? I never knew you like that, why did you change? You made jokes I didn't get, you didn't even ask how I was doing. Really?Why?
But I still thank you. Thank you for helping me move on, because now I can let you go. I don't feel angry or hurt anymore but I know I will always be sad for my great loss of you.
I see mini you and I smile, I know you have much joy. I hope your happy, I really do. I will never forget you even though I probably should. How can I? It's you! I know we will meet someday but it will never be the same. No it can't be the same but that's ok because I know Allah wants it that way, remember what you always talked about? Naseeb, that makes me laugh a bit now seeing how all this worked out. I remember being quite while you talk, you gave me courage, strength and great advice. I have to accept it all, I don't have a choice. But I still thank you for your time, for the years from your life that you shared with me. I will never forget you nor do I want too, you are the best summer I ever had.

Letters I will never send

Asalamu Alaikum Everyone,
So I have a new idea I would like to add on my blog....Ready for it???
I want to add a new catagory called: Letters I will never send. I was planning on calling it confessions but since we don't do confessions in Islam, I decided for it to be letters I would love to send to the people but know its better not being said. I want to get things off my chest and think this would be a good way to start...That being said, I might need to write more than one letter to a person haha.

In the moment of change

When you're in the middle of a tough situation, you don't see the meaning of it. You loose the ability to see the bigger picture, the meaning of it all. I used to be that way; I used to get so mad and worry about what is going to come out of this and what will happen to me? Well, Alhamdulillah this time I have a different perspective, I put my complete trust in Allah and have learn from my past difficulties. I no longer worry about the what and if's of things, Allah has never let me down or left me alone in the past, so what would possibly make me think He would do that now?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
~Soren Kierkegaard

As soon as I read this quote a while back I knew what it meant. I have always liked to reflect on my life and the decisions I made so far to see what I could learn from them. If you don't reflect on your past you never learn and therefore, you can't move forward. Insha'allah this situation I'm in will end well, but from where I'm standing....I'm waiting to learn my lesson, and Alhamdullilah for that.

You will never be alone because you will ALWAYS have Allah.

A Deep Cry

Have you ever been so hurt? Lost? Confused?In so much pain that when you cry, you feel your whole body ache and actually feel that first tear develop before it comes out of your eye and down your cheek? Well, I have. I don't think I have ever been so aware of why we cry; our body is aching. You just experienced a betrayal and you know it, better yet your body knows it too.
SubhanAllah that shows you how connected your body and soul are.
That my friends is the reason why I haven't posted anything, the unexpected happened to me.
I gotta say it's really tough but I don't know what to tell you, Life is TOUGH!
It's so hard when someone builds you up based on a fantasy ( no not a guy) and then knocks you down to reality.
Insha'Allah I will feel better soon, but till then....I ache.