My Current Dilemma

It's 1 a.m. and here I am sitting in the living room while my husband is sound asleep so he can wake up for work at 3:30 a.m. He made me upset before he slept when he was telling me how much patience his mother has and how what I am dealing with is nothing for her, so I got upset. I have a right to be upset, don't I? Well anyway, here I am alone and not sure what to do..Should I go back to bed and try to sleep till he wakes up, or search for volunteer work and how I can get a job, or just surf the web. Mainly, I am worried about how fast my life is changing and how sad I am about some of the change. My sister which means everything to me as she has been my partner in life and we have been through so much together is in Mexico. Which is so far away from me and this is the first time I am mot going to be with her when she becomes older this year. I am sad as to how we have separate lives now and we won't be sharing the same experiences or learn the same things. I guess we have been so close for so long I'm not sure how to be without her or how to act. I feel like everyday I get more and more overwhelmed by everything that is going on and insha'allah I solve it before I have a breakdown. I think I'll go rest my mind for now and lay down next to my husband even though I am upset with him. He doesn't read my blog but if he did I would say:
A tip for you babe: Don't compare me to your mother!!
I hope he learns that lesson soon. I think I need to stop blogging now, Okay..Good night! 

Test of Patience

Patience...Not one of my strengths it turns out and I must say I am annoyed by my lack of patience as it is making my life difficult! I have noticed today that God is testing me with patience but not patience on waiting for something but instead patience with people and unfortunately someone that is part of my new family (Big B). I don't know exactly how I am going to overcome my annoyance and frustration but I have to come up with a plan. Since I have moved to Canada to be with my husband I can't work yet but some alternatives would be volunteering at the Masjid and the animal shelter since I don't have my precious cat with me (She wouldn't like the cold weather). I find myself upset, frustrated, annoyed, and plain out angry. I can't stay this way or else it will effect me tremendously so I need to do something! I have been reflecting on how I have become as a person and how much I have changed which is probably why I am getting frustrated. I no longer tolerate people that are not kind or patience with others and I hate it when people accuse others instead of doing what a Muslim should do and excuse them as much as possible. I am exhausted now and still can't sleep from my anger plus the extra cup of coffee that I had too late, Oopsie. I am hoping that Allah will forgive me for my shortcomings during my time of struggle and guide me to find the strength to be more patience and become a better person as a result. Ya Allah, I need your love and mercy at this time of difficulty. Insha'allah I will come out of this a more patient and understanding person. 

P.S. My main problem is also that I OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Well, self diagnosed at least and I am obsessed hence the word in having everything in place and once someone ruins my system I loose it and become angry. Can anyone advise me on what could help me control myself or not get so upset? It would make my life so much easier so please do!

Married Life

Asalamu Alaikum,

 I am writing this post just to give an update on recent events in my life. Alhamdulillah, I got married the beginning of this year to the most wonderful man and have been married for four months so far. I have moved to Canada in the middle of nowhere and adjusting to my new life as I have only been here since the beginning of May, 2014. It's not a walk in the park but Alhamdulillah I am adjusting well to my new life so far. That's basically whats new which is so different from the last post I had written on my blog. Long Time!! Oops.

Trust?Not so much

Yesterday: I was walking with my sister after work and talking about our day and life in general. I had an OMG moment! I have trust issues, that's why the idea of marriage terrifies me. How can I trust someone enough to marry them? I was quiet relieved actually cause I now know a more specific reason to my fears and can address it accordingly. LOL I have become my own therapist. Insha'allah I need to work on that, TRUST!

Everything works out in the end..

Salam lovlies,

I am just sitting here at work for an 11-hour shift (yes! 11-hours!). Pondering over my life and how things come up out of the blue. Alhamdulillah, I am very grateful for everything in my life and I wouldn't want to change a thing. If I did want to change something then I wouldn't experience and go through whatever I did instead, does that make sense? Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Insha'allah my next post will be about the advice my Grandmother gave to me, much needed advice.

Let's just be grateful to Allah, for everything.

Today's lecture from my latest obsession is a Khutbah by Sheikh Omar Suleiman on Gratitude and the importance of being grateful to Allah and other people. Alhamdulilah, I feel refreshed and more aware of purpose and life in general, especially when I really listen. You can watch the lecture I'm talking about by clicking here for the link. Insha'allah you will benefit from it and enjoy watching as much as I did, let me know what you think!

Abandonment issues

Well, I am no longer in denial. Yes I have "abandonment issues" but how does that effect me? For starters, I can't stand silence for long, I worry the people I love and care about will leave me at the first sign of trouble or anything else for that matter. I am a prisoner of people. I am attached to people. I love to have people around me. I worry about the condition of the people in my life. Let me make it clear, only a small number of people that I really love is what I worry about. I have become vulnerable and nothing anyone says or does changes my mind. Have I proven my case? The question is what am I going to do about it? Well, I am on a mission to do my own therapy with much needed help from Allah, Alhamdulillah. It is actually working out pretty good I must say. So for starters I narrowed it down to a list of  the most important person in my life to the lesser important person and focus on that person first, going slowly. I started a fast, a fast of talking, approaching  or even talking (well, I tried) about that person for a month. How did that go you might ask? I'm about 2 weeks into this.At first I thought I can do this, I CAN DO THIS!! After 5 days and that person hasn't called or anything I started wondering, is my relationship coming to an end? Oh Allah can I do this? But I told myself "No! You will do this! Even if the relationship ends! You won't quite" So I didn't. I started to watch more lectures, especially by Sheikh Omar Suleiman, and I didn't feel as vulnerable and attached anymore. I was becoming ok and more "stable". To my shock the person actually sent me a message!! I know I was shocked but did I reply? Heck no! I still have 2 weeks to go. I need to do this and I can't worry about the relationship breaking apart. It shouldn't if the person really cares about me and wants me in their life. I need them to be in my hand and not in my heart because the only One who should be in my heart is Allah, and Alhamdulillah.
Let me know if you'd like an update on how this goes and what Lectures I'm watching :)