Dear Mom, I miss you.

My Dear Mom,
I miss you so very much. I miss your smile and laugh but most of all I miss your hugs. I don't know how we got to be so apart but I miss you. I hope that we can repair our relationship and be with each other once again. My birthday is almost here, and I remembered how you would call me "Birthday Girl!" a month before, but not anymore. I was your sweetie and care bear, was is the key word here. I hate growing up for this very reason, I am no longer in your nest and its easier to grow apart. Mom, I love you! I am sorry if I have done anything to hurt you in anyway. I would never want to do that and I hate the thought that I might have already. I can't wait for us to meet! It's been too long and I need my mommy, I always will. I have been going through so many life changes and I got confused. I still am Mom, and I don't know what to do. I have no idea who to trust and who not to but that isn't as bad as loosing you. I love how we were friends and I trusted you for everything but I know that's gonna take work. I just want things to go back to how they were between us and even better. I can't stand the thought of loosing you and I can't stand not being close to you. I hope you can forgive me and accept my request, to be your loving daughter again.

Someday, Insha'allah.

Oh Allah, I have no idea what is in store for me and what challenges and happiness is yet to come. I do pray that someday I will meet a man that will be the One for me. I am not being unrealistic nor do I think I will live happily ever after but I know that marriage can be a beautiful connection you have between you and your spouse for the sake of Allah. I know Allah knows what is best for me but these are some of the things I think would be nice to have in a spouse, Insha'allah.
From a religious stand point, It would be nice to have a man who will lead Fajr prayer and any other prayer while he is home. A man that loves to discuss Islam and learn new things with me about the beauty of our religion. A man that strives to be closer to Allah and knows that we should strive together in order to be with each other in Jannah. A man who knows and honors my Islamic rights just as I will honor his.
From another stand point, I would love to have a man that knows how to be sensitive when I am hurt or upset and understanding when I need someone to listen. A man that won't get angry and knows how to control his temper. A man who can be romantic and thoughtful of what I need and surprise me from time to time. A man that will put me first as I will do the same for him. A man that knows how to calm me down and reassure me when I feel like my life is a mess and don't know what to do.
Many of you might say: "I thought you were going to be realistic?!?" well, I am and these things do exists. Why do we think that men are not capable of being all these things and more?
I also would like to include a letter to my future hubby, too much you think? Well, I miss him without knowing him and I know Allah will connect us when the time is right so till then..

Dear Future Babe,
I just want you to know that I think I have an idea of why we aren't together yet. My life is a mess right now and I am doing so much self discovery you can't even imagine. I think this year is going to be very interesting but I am excited at the same time. I look forward to meeting you but Insha'allah I am open to it when you come around, if not don't give up. I am a great person (not bragging) but please understand if I am not always "normal". I have been through so much and I am still going through it all but I will come around and learn to trust you. I look forward to our life together and the kids Insha'allah we will be blessed with but I am not ready yet. I wish I was but I want to be sure that I can give you everything you deserve from me and more. Someday, Insha'allah we will sit together and laugh at how our lives were before we met and how much its changed after. Talk about our kids and you telling me they will be fine and not to worry too much. FYI I am a panicker, along with a little bit of anxiety but Insha'allah I will come around. I love to love but you have to earn my trust first. Once you do, I promise you will be my everything. My one and only until Allah separates us just for a short while. I don't only want this Dunya (This life) with you but more importantly the Akhira (Afterlife). We can strive for that together and Insha'allah with Allah's mercy we will achieve it. I smile just at the thought of meeting you because I know that Allah has much in store for me and you will be just as amazing as every other blessing in my life. Till then I will love you for the sake of Allah, now and forever, Insha'allah.